Ron helps Aboriginal men before and after the birth of their babies.
‘My role is basically to encourage fathers to support their partners a bit more and to help their partner before birth, during birth and after birth. The young men today are looking for change. They’re looking to be a bit more sensitive towards their partners having babies.
‘This is a big change from the past when birth was women’s business.
‘Within the Aboriginal community, it’s very difficult because we’ve got a fine line between women’s business and men’s business. The old ways we used to do things, it was all up to the women to handle pregnancy and birth, we had nothing to do with it. It was just women’s stuff.
‘In the past, all the women got together when a woman was pregnant and supported her, and we just stayed well out of it. Times have changed now.
‘We live in a big city and all our women now have got other things to worry about. We’ve sort of changed our living ways, and there’s so much on their plate with their own lives, so we’re trying to encourage the partner to be a bit more involved.’
Ron encourages dads to go to boori classes – ‘boori’ means baby.
‘It’s OK to go to boori classes with the mother when they’re talking about feeding habits and other things to do with babies, so that you’re aware of why her body is changing and all that sort of stuff. By going to boori classes, we can learn about pregnancy and postnatal depression so that we’re aware of the signs and can offer support. It also helps to know a little bit more about what a woman goes through as a mother or as a first-time mother.
‘When I started talking about it among the brothers, the young men in the community would stand around when the classes were on because they do want to know. But they feel like they’re not allowed to talk about or get involved in the birth and upbringing of the child because in the old days it was women’s business. Now we encourage it.’
Trauma from the past
Past policies and practices, like the Stolen Generations, mean that many Indigenous people face extra challenges in becoming a family.
‘All that trauma in the past, it affects them. Some of our men have never had fathers and some of them have never had mothers, so they don’t know anything about fatherhood.
‘We try to give them support in regard to some of the issues that they might face during pregnancy and after.’
Being hands on with baby
Ron encourages dads to be part of birth and hands on after birth too.
‘It’s OK to go to the hospital with your partner to support her and be in the appointments with her so that you’re both aware of what’s happening. It’s all right to be part of the birthing of your child.
‘I know that our women in the community are really eager for their partners to have a bit more of a role and encourage the mother to breastfeed. If bottle-feeding, it’s all right for dad to bottle-feed baby.
‘It’s all right to get up early in the morning to change or feed baby while your partner sleeps or rests. In fact, we encourage it.’
Standing strong and proud as fathers
Ron encourages the men to stand strong in their roles as fathers.
‘It’s about being strong, being responsible and being recognised as proud fathers and men in our community.
‘It’s also about being proud to have our families proud of us men – our daughters or sons, our wives, our grandmothers and our community proud of us. We’re taking a little bit more responsibility.’
Uncles, grandfathers and other men
Young dads can get support from men in their communities.
‘Men are trying to get recognition back. Our kids don’t just look to their dads, but their uncles and grandfathers for guidance and putting them on the right path. This is hard because a lot of our men are ill and still dying in their 40s and 50s.
‘The men who are around, they’re teaching the younger generation about their people, and being a dad and staying on track. They try to be responsible people that their kids and nephews and nieces can turn to. Then it will be the younger generation’s turn to take over.
‘The younger generation want to know about being a great dad, a supportive parent, a great uncle, a great grandfather – they are asking us for this.’
When it’s hard to be a father
Becoming a family brings joy and love but also stress. You need ways to deal with the stress.
‘We’ve seen too many men break up their relationship because men have let the woman do everything before, during and after the birth of their child.
‘It’s caused breakdowns in relationships and still happens a lot now, so we want to encourage the men to have a bit more responsibility.’
In times of stress and frustration, it’s good to get some help.
‘I would say turn to another – a friend or an uncle or someone that you can sit down and talk to. Talk to another man who’s had children. Talk to another woman, your auntie or someone like that.’
Other people who can help
Another person who can support you and advise you during the pregnancy and birth is the Aboriginal Liaison Officer (ALO) at the hospital. In Ron’s experience, most men look for the ALO if there is one there.
After the birth, you can still stay in touch with the ALO or join a dads group. People like Ron, from a boori class, are more than happy to help. In fact, that’s what they’re there for.